My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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