I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
