Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
