lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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