Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
