i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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