Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
