pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
