i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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