in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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