grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
