i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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