This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
