I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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