I want to have your abortion
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
