You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
