I should be sponsored by Trojan
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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