I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
