ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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