The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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