i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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