im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
