I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
