I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Randomize
