party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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