Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
