Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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