im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
