Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
