I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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