All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
