and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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