I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
