if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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