So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
