We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
