Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
