I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Randomize
