Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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