The maid of honor just puked.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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