im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
