I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Damn victory sex feels great
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
