yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
