TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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