wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
