I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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