I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
