is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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