Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
