We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
