I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
