i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
