my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
