My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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