He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
