dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
