I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
