It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
