Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
