haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just found a bag of teeth...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
