That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
