So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
